Pain

When I first started this blog I figured it would just be about anxiety and depression. However its also about my journey through it. The more I write the more I realize that there is more to it. No, its not my life but yet apart of it. And the last few weeks have been kinda crazy. So here goes!

How is that Family members turn into strangers and Friends turn into Family. It is so interesting to me that people's place and meaning changes. Yet, it did and it does. The past few weeks have been a challenge in that way. It's been emotional and a roller-coaster. There is nothing like death to change how you look at people

To see others in pain that is only described as heartbroken. Is so hard. To see them hurting is the worst thing ever. For me all I want to do is fix it and not have them go through that pain. Yet I can't shelter everyone from things that will happen in their lives. All I can do is be there when I can and listen and try to be helpful.

There is nothing like seeing people become very greedy either. You look at them as the go through with a "I want" attitude. When all you want is to have the person you lost back for another day.  People can be so hurtful by their actions and words. Sometime you feel like you just want to slap them in the face. To watch someone who is going through it. It's really hard. All you want to do is yell, scream or hurt someone. It's sad when your story of your family is so close to someone else's story. When you look and can see the same thing happening in a few years.

I have always been one to believe that all things happen for a reason and that we are to praise God even in the hard times. Yet I also believe you reap what you sow. So sometimes that is enough. Just wish this world wasn't so hurtful sometimes and the people in it weren't the way they are.

How much we need God in our world and need to put him first more often. Oh I have to say the last few weeks I have been practicing that goal within my life.

After all the sadness I can't help put think of some of the good.
1. Being able to be there for friends
2. Being able to praise God for the lessons learned.
3.  Being able to learn from others mistakes
4. I'm sure there is more. Just can't think as of right now.

Now what?

Everyone always says things happen for a reason. Each moment creates you into the person you are becoming. It's crazy to think a little over a week ago I quit my job. After many weeks and even months of dealing with more stress then I needed. It felt right to just walk away. It hurt me to walk away from the kids. They are my life. I still think of them many times a day. I wouldn't be who I am becoming if it wasn't for them. However I realized I am not doing them any good if I am not happy. I can only fake it for so long. Plus when someone tries to pit people across each other and has to be in the middle of everything. It just doesn't work for me. Its to much drama and no trust. Besides why is it when something crazy is happening. So one knows how to make you feel like you are nothing but a failure? I know I am not and that i will too find my place in this world. One day at a time. Besides I left my old job because of not being supported the way i felt i needed. Plus with negativity and gossiping. Its time to not look back but keep going forward. Something Great will come out of this. I am sure of it. God's timing is always perfect.