Tuesday, July 26, 2011

changing me

as i learn new ways to help me grow and change the harder it is to wait and not be able to help others. why? because they are not ready. I try to remember I can only control and change me and it gets harder before it gets better. It will feel lonely at times and I will feel like giving up. However, thats the time to fight longer and harder.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Changing me and only me!

Before and after my counseling session today. I found myself in a great mood. Others have noticed the difference in me and said I seem to be a whole new person. Which slowly by slowly I can see what they see. I am very proud of the fact I took control and said i needed help. I'm very Thankful to have the resources available for me to use. I am very blessed by God to have the support I needed during this time of change in my life.

I have been slowly noticing things that i need to change in my life and been slowly working on them. It's not always easy because i fight the want to go back and do what i need before because it was normal and even in the middle of chaos i was comfortable. Its what i knew.

The hardest part now is not going back, but fighting to become a better me. Its not always going to be easy but anything is worth fighting for. A few weeks ago i was talking to my best friend and she was saying how change is hard and it gets worse before it gets better. It has right now is the hardest part but even in the middle of this all. I can see the little things within myself that gives me the hope and strength to keep doing it, keep fighting to improve my life and those around me.

I by no means have all the answers. I am still learning. Yet I hope by me changing things up, working to be a better person. I can show others there is a better way, you can break the chains of your past. Everyone needs to do what makes them happy and what makes them the person God created them to be.

Now My prayers are that the relationships i have with others will only get stronger and that we will learn to work together instead of seeming to not get along now because of e trying to change and them staying the same.

"Relationships are like pieces of a clock. If one part wants to change the other parts will either change with it or it wouldn't work. It is never easy to change because but don't let the other parts force you to go back to the old way when there is a better way." ---Paraphrased

Saturday, July 23, 2011


Last Monday I went back to work. It was so great to see my kids again. I loved every minute of it. There were some of the same stresses there. However I am learning to work through them. I am excited about another week loving on my babies and learning more about me.

In counseling this week I am learning to learn how to deal with the things that stress me. and how to see things for what they are. It isn't always easy but its what i need.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Tomorrow is a new day!

I personally can't wait to see my work kids. They are a huge blessing in my life. Their innocence amaze me so much. I can't wait to see their smiling faces and be able to give them a million hugs. The past 3 weeks have been great and unmanageably hard. But it is time to get back to what I love most. If you would have told me 7 years ago I would be a Pre K teacher. I would have laughed at you. 10 years ago I would have laughed if you told me I would be working with kids in my church. I have learned that God gives each of us a plan. I love teaching kids and watching them learn. I want to give them the best education I can give them while with me.  I am very excited to see my kids tomorrow. It's going to be amazing!

Sunday, July 10, 2011


Well it posted before I was done. LOL!

I want my siblings to understand, love and know God and know no matter what happens he is there and that he wants them to seek him first. I have the hardest time reading the bible when I know I need too. I always know how I feel after and I don't always do it. So when reading with them it helps keep me accountable and I love it.

I won't say I am cured. No, the last two weekends have been great. I am trying to stay focused on the good and less on the bad things. However, I will try my best to write about both sides.


The first two counseling sessions have been great. I have found myself really looking forward to them and what I will learn. After doing a lot of reflecting I have noticed in other people why they act the way they do. However it is always someone else who notices it in me. Sometimes it brings me to tears thinking how come I don't notice it within myself? Why is it that other people do? I don't have the answer to that. However, I am blessed to have others in my life who can tell me what I look like and I am acting like. I am all over the place at times and sometimes need someone to help me stay focused and on track.

This weekend was a great way as so was last week. We celebrated two amazing birthdays My sister Hannah's 18 and My Brother Jakob's 7th. I am so proud of the people they are becoming. I love them to pieces and it was amazing to celebrate with them. I hope they felt very special.

Before the party I was upset that some of my family wasn't going to be there. However, I am learning from others how to help myself from getting so upset. Since I pretty much know if they are coming or not. So to prepare I am not counting on them at all. Then if they show up great and if not, Oh well they missed out. This will be the best way for now. The party was fun was suppose to be from 12 to 230 but at 7 we still had people in our home playing, laughing and helping. It was a great day!

Now as I write this I have 3 of my favorite kids in my house watching a movie eating popcorn. I'm very proud of them.As much as I want them to stay little. I can't wait to see the person they turn into with love and guidance.

I have to say that I feel like I am getting stronger and realizing what I need to do to help me. In helping me I have seen how I can and have helped others. Its very important to me to teach a better way of life to everyone around me including kids. I have started to read the bible and pray with my siblings at night.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

It's been awhile since I have been on here. I went to meet my new counselor last Wednesday! It was great! Praise God I felt very comfortable with her right away. She helped me reflect on life and the things from my past. It hasn't been perfect, but each moment good and bad have helped create me into the person I am today. On Thursday I went to visit my work kids. We had a great time pretending to be at a circus. I loved all the hugs and kisses. They drive me everyday to help myself. I can't wait to see them again.

After a nap I headed to Houston for a long weekend. My parents are out of town so I am the one in charge of the little ones. Its always great to be with them. We went swimming this morning and had a picnic lunch. Afterwards I went into their rooms. Crazy unorganized mess. So with their help we cleaned both their rooms They kept saying thank you. I am so proud of them. They were thankful and willingly to help with complaining. I am so proud of them. After watching a quick movie. I told them I needed a nap, they could nap or play something quite. They did it. I thanked them for giving me that time. 

At work I have learned to give my kids choices and tell them what is okay and want isnt. So why not do it with my siblings. It would help them be more successful and feel proud of what they can do. So here we are. We are working together to help them feel more responsible, committed, and  successful. So this is the start. They now of Job charts too. When I return home, I will be making them job charts for my house too. So they always know what they are to do.

I am one very proud sister. In the middle of trying to help myself, I am learning, we all need a little help from others and its okay to ask and receive.