New start....

To help me through this crazy time. I decided to get myself organized. I have started in my room. I am making plans and goals. Which for a while was something I couldn't do. I wasn't able to focus long enough. I know this will be a long journey. Yet I wouldn't want it any other way. I need a challenge in my life and here I am. I have felt very out of control. So to help decided to clean, organize, get back into what i love doing, photography, cooking, writing, drawing, scrapbooking, and making hair bows. I have also started walking and soon will start yoga. Its time for a new start. I pray I can stay focused.

Tears are okay

Yesterday I felt really done. the littlest things were upsetting me. I felt out of control. When I would start crying I couldn't stop. I felt unconfused, helpless and lost. All I could think is this isn't me and I need help. It was great to see myself asking for it. I am receiving it. I have taken a week off of work to focus on my dealing with the stresses in my life. I need to focus on my health so i can be the person i am meant to be.I know i'm not alone. So that helps. I can do anything through God. Only he can heal me.

God's Timing is never mine

Last night after creating and writing my first post for this blog. I felt so excited and ready to take on the world after many days of being sad, feeling helpless and alone. Today I woke up ready to go. I went to speak to my Doctor. Amazing lady I must say. After telling her how i felt. She encouraged me to see a counselor. I was all for it. I said I know i need help so here i am asking for it. So to help me, she felt my body had become immune to the Zoloft. So to help my dosage was up. Starting tonight i will take 100mg. She said this is very normal and not to worry. After leaving her office. I was called by her nurse with a list of counselors. Within an hour I had an appointment to meet a counselor starting next Wednesday.

So after a little nap I will be off to get my new meds and getting out of the house to either go to the movies or a walk. Depends on the weather.

Welcome to my new blog! Depressed? Now what?

January 20th was a changing day in my life. A day I let something come out I had been hiding and battle for a few years. I believe I was in denial. Not anymore. After feeling very blue and having many people asking me what was wrong. I realized I was only hurting myself by not accepting the truth.

So I took my life and future in my own hands. I sucked up my pride and met with my new doctor. A wonderful woman full of understanding. After a  long talk about my family history and explaining how I felt. I was put on 50mg of Zoloft a day.

For whatever reason I knew that was what I would be diagnosed with. However, after holding the pill bottle in my hand. It was like I got hit in the head with a ton of bricks. There was no denying it now. It was true and I was ready to accept it.

After 3 weeks of very side effect you could think of. And losing a total of 15 pounds. A time when I felt like giving in and saying it was not worth it. I started to feel happier, i was able to focus and see what i needed. I had my motivation back and was ready to take on the world. I wasn't getting as upset. I was able to reason and problem solve.

That would be a great ending right. I only wish. But that's only the beginning. In April my Great aunt was diagnosed with Lung cancer. This affected me more then I thought. I started noticing that I wasn't coping with anything the way I should. I was coming unglued over the littlest things. Yet, when it came to something big. I would sit in a daze all day. Sitting staring at a wall. For a while, I couldn't even cry. I wanted to blame God. Yet I knew he had allowed it to happen for a reason. Their was something he was wanting to teach us.

A few days ago I learned a very dear friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. A Friend who was there for me while I was a teenager was now faces a battle all to familiar to me and my family. Being the daughter of a breast cancer survivor.

It does amaze me that God has placed some of the strongest women in my life to teach me. This strong ladies are survivors in every use of the word. Their strength amazes me everyday.

Looking back I can see I was on a downward spiral and fast. I was feeling overwhelmed, I was being short with everyone. After realizing I didn't feel like me. I took some time off work. This is when I realized I needed help learning to cope with life. Just medicine would not be the cure all.

After returning to work for a few days and completing breaking down at work, I was able to let it all out. I felt hopeless, helpless and overwhelmed. I felt like I was not being able to cope with stress and life.

Tomorrow I will be headed to a Doctor's appointment to talk about my choices. So with determinations and God on my side. I will learn new ways to learn how to be me. Life isn't always easy. But it's worth living.

This blog came to me as a way of expressing my feelings and help me learn about myself. I hope whoever reads this will be able to take something away with them