Saturday, November 17, 2012

Sadness and Hope

This Blog is becoming more of a story of my life then about how I am battling depression. Again, Life has seemed to have dealt a horrible hand. Last Thursday the Lady I call Bonus Mom went to Heaven. Totally unexpected and for many of us left behind it happened to soon. I am still very much in shock. Many more questions this answers. When I have my moments of clarity through the craziness of helping with the day to day demands of life. It hits me she is gone and how much she did for so many. I never really got it until now and I don't think I will fully ever understand how big of shoes she filled and how many people were in packed by her. I may not have known her long and at first may have thought we will not be friends. But through the years, we did become closer. In my times of need and times when I needed a Mom she was there being as supportive as she could Its hard to imagine life without her right now or ever. I feel like I am living in a horrible nightmare that I will make up from any moment now. I am glad she is no longer in any pain, stressed or having to deal with sadness or sickness. I miss her greatly. I am glad she is in Heaven and one day I will see her again. For now, I will try to focus on the positive, yet when I have my moments when I need to grieve I will because we all need our time to grieve when it comes to a loss of any kind.

I have wondered why God called her to be with him so soon, especially when so much was going on. But for whatever reason he needed her more. It seems unbelievable to me how one woman could give so much to so many while getting little to nothing in return. She was a helper through and through. It was her calling I believe. God used her to touch so many lives and through the people who knew her they will touch others in ways that she touched them. Apart of her will forever be apart of this world and better people everywhere.

Through the years, through the losses, I have tired so hard to make sure those I love hear me say it. I may say it 10 million times. But God never promises us tomorrow and you never know what will happen, So for those of you reading this blog. Please don't let a day go by that you don't tell someone you love them. And for some they may not understand or think you are crazy. But for me, I don't care. I want them to know how I feel because if it was the last day for me on earth to see them. I would like for them to know they made a difference in my life and I loved them.

As I sit here typing wide away after fighting to fall asleep with many questions and thoughts running through my head. This blog helps clear things up. I can't help but smile thinking of even in the middle of sadness, God loves us and is there to hold us when we need him. He is still using his people to change the world they only way he could. I am so blessed and glad I got to meet and love one amazing woman he created knowing one day she would meet me and open my heart the only way she could. He knew this all before I was born. I don't know what the future holds or even what next week will be like. I will say I am a better person because of her, the lessons she taught me, this blessings she scared, the memories of yesterday and the hope for tomorrow.

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